Monday, April 16, 2007

Doing the dishes

So I'm doing the dishes, thinking about this-this thing, this artifact. This extension of my ego. This was initially, originally, ostensibly about a trip I was taking, but it's become something more than that. I held off on blogging for a long time, unable to see it as anything other than...masturbatory, let's say. But after doing it for a while, I find myself more and more able to see it as an extension of my regular life, the ways I communicate w/ y'all anyway.

(I don't care. I like "y'all". It's a handy pronoun. It also offers me the opportunity to use "y'all's", which has two different apostrophes in it. That's great.)

I'm very self-involved, in the sense that I spend a lot of time in my own head, thinking about myself. Lots of downsides to that, I realize, but I also mean "self-involved" in the sense of being introspective, trying to have a constant sense of self. How I interact with other people, what I want, what I'm trying to accomplish. Those of you who know me well might have some idea what I'm talking about.

I also like to tell stories. It's something that I've cultivated, something that's central part of my identity. A great deal of my perspective centers on the stories that people tell themselves. The story I tell myself. And it's that story I want to share, want to be able to communicate-both because it's a part of my own accountability, and because maybe if I talk to myself(and you) this way, it brings me closer to the truth of things, rather than the story. I don't know, but I've got nothing to lose.

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