Friday, July 11, 2008

Giving Up

And fuck this for a lark anyhow.

There are things in my head that I've spent years inspecting, analyzing, scrutinizing...then gutting like a fish. I recommend this technique, by the way. Finding and knowing the things about myself that hurt me, and smothering them with a pillow whenever we meet. I'm mixing my murderous metaphors.

They don't die, but their corpses, lich-like, are far more manageable than the living breathing horrors they once were. And I'm better, carrying their phylacteries around with me. They rise unbidden, but familiar and easily broken.

I know better, and that's what works.

There are lots of them, and I'm better, and happy as I am...except for this one thing, a barrier and a failure. And it breaks me fucking consistently and always the same way, and I'm fucking tired of it. So I know it. And I'm killing it like all the others. I've decided.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That makes me sad, Aaron.