Revolting or Revolving

I've decided to begin organizing to defeat the Hegemony. Who's in?

Gnomoncloture

So, it's occurred to me, or I've articulated, or I feel like I should explain...

Let me start over.

So, let's say that there's two of all of you. There's you, the person you are when you get up, your knowledge and experience, your senses, and the self-improving algorithm that is your sentience and consciousness.

This is how I think of myself, by the way, so I'm just guessing your experience is much the same. I acknowledge that this may not be true(or that it is, but you don't articulate it the way I do). Some of you are probably demons, droids, lifeless automatons. Still...

So that's you, YOU. Your you.That's fine.

The you that I interact with, the you that I have...that's a simulation, an idea. A complex collection of remembered interactions and simulated outcomes based on those interactions. It's you...but my imperfect, inaccurate idea of you. And it is inaccurate, imperfect, incomplete. Our beliefs and experiences are all totally different. We want different things, believe different things. We use different words for the same things, the same word for radically different ones. My blue is not your blue.

I can't know your motives, your secrets, your beliefs. Those things are you, the origins and authors of the behaviors that are the only parts of you I can know. I can only know your output. Even those of you that I spend a lot of time with...you're different all the time. Like I am.

Frankly, I can barely keep track of myself on a day-to-day basis. What hope do I have of genuinely knowing any of you enough to judge, or anticipate, or expect? It's hopeless (grin), so I don't. Or I try not to, which is sort of where this is going.

...

Most of you have names, names you were given. Those names are symbols, right? Like "sandwich" isn't literally a sandwich, so "Steve" or "Wilma" aren't literally the persons they label...names are handles (aha!), tools I can use in my head and out of it to understand and address you. But they're like my simulation, like any symbol. They're not what they symbolize. And while I recognize the simplicity and the necessity of that symbolism(can't have my head full of sandwiches)...like so many other things, I think that I need to acknowledge the failure of that system in order to function optimally.

Investigate what is, not what pleases.

I give everyone names-nicknames, hobo names, names you never hear. Names that are things, or places, or notions. Names that aren't words as such-those are hard, weird things. I do it because I like to, because I'm good at naming things. But I do it too, to reflect myself in the way that you're labeled, to give you a glimmer of me. And, I do it because it's confusing, because if I don't nail you down, don't pigeonhole you, then I keep myself from believing that my model is anything like you. Because it isn't.

Unbelief

So those of you whose daily lives intersect with mine on a regular basis, those who are fimbulwinter adjacent...you may be familiar...I have a lot of lines. Lots of pat answers (good hobo name right there) lots of responses I have in my pockets.

I have so many pockets.

And there's a couple, some I use all the time. Like "Gender roles are harmful to society and individuals." or "The devil's onion's got a lot of layers, and all of them will make you cry.".

There's lots of that.

Lately, I've found myself letting people know what I don't believe in, the things with which I have no truck. And, if you know me, you know it's not about being right, being true. It's just what I believe, and being clear about that. I'm all about clarity.

In that spirit, here's a few things that I don't believe, as I've informed people in the last month or so.

I don't believe in luck.

I don't believe in astrology.

I don't believe in tempers.

I don't believe in emotions.

I don't believe in good.

I don't believe in right or wrong.

I don't believe in winning.

I don't believe in value as it's attached to provenance.

I don't believe in objective calendars.

I don't believe in truth.

I don't believe in "deserve", but I do believe in desserts.

Anonymocracy

Is government by the nameless. Assuming that a name is much more complicated than just "Steve" or "Susan" or "Horsecorpse Veto", that the words I use are just a small part of the True Name that I call them in my head. The simulated version of you that I create from my accumulated memory of your output, your kinetic and photonic waste. I've been seriously considering how I can externalize this process, the photos and the files I'd keep. I'll post regular updates.

In our shared future where personal privacy is as anachronistic as an abacus, or a horse...in that future, the asymmetry of information that exists between the many and the few will vanish. And when we each know what the other knows, the inefficiencies that come with involuntary ignorance will also vanish. There'll still be bigotry, but the Intangible Hand will sort that out...unless you don't want it to, there's still novelty to be had being a bigot. The pain I choose is different from the pain I don't.

There's been lots to like lately, I've had tuberculosis.

Not literally, those of you who read this and will be concerned that I've gotten a 19th century disease. It's a pun. For future reference, anytime I say that I have leprosy, rickets, scurvy, buboes (fun to say!)...it's probably just a pun.

ANYWAY, so the tuberculosis (which comes from parsnips, potatoes, beets!)...has included not a small amount of Goethe, which is awesome. All sorts of good, from poetry to Faust. Recommended by a customer of mine, a Professor of German Lit and Translation. So many ivory tower motherfuckers, so much data. I want more data, did you know that?

I want more data.

So, Goethe. Awesome. Here's some choice bits.

Investigate what is, and not what pleases.

Much there is I can stand, and most things not easy to suffer
I bear with quiet resolve, just as a god commands it.
Only a few I find as repugnant as snakes and poison —
These four: tobacco smoke, bedbugs, garlic, and Christ.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

I am not Omniscient, but I know a lot.

More Light.




Also, for those of you who share locality...tonight, at Sam Bond's Garage...I will be leading a team from Capella against a handful of soulless drones from Trader Joe's in a game of Family Feud. Come out, brave the hipsters and see me and people I like.

Organisms

Organization, method. Things I lack, but I lack for nothing but the vacuums I create. Lots of good lately, lots of busy. As I externalize more and more of myself, I imagine it freeing up internal resources. More of me to devote.

Slice of Life

It's revealing, I think, how pleased I was to find this. I was very pleased. I was fucking stoked, frankly. Take away from it what you will.

The Grim Inevitability of Death

Is dense and comforting, like a duvet. I've got books and books, my metacortex and my 'pataphysics and my memories. We're all just dogs doing calculus, but I'll be a scientist. Since I'm already a scientist.

Things I've liked lately have led to things I've misunderstood in a way that improves them for me. Like these. While I can respect the work, I don't agree with much of the sentiment. I did end up with "Hiding your motives is despicable." which encapsulates my personal philosophy nicely, I think. Parts of it anyway.

Misanthropomorphic Principle. Strong.

That's a thing, a reference. There's several concepts and contexts that are necessary to glean the meanings in my everyday conversation or blogging or what have you. For example, today I had a conversation with a pair of co-workers about our peppers. Dried peppers, in a bag. Same brand, same thing, but different iterations of nomenclature, in which some were labeled New Mexico Peppers and others Nuevo Mexico Peppers. When asked the difference, I said the latter were more like a flock of seagulls.

One of them got it.

And I don't like being obscure, or impenetrable. It's not pleasant, or easy for either of us. But at the same time, I have this whole thing about not adapting or adopting behaviors for the benefit of You (whoever you are), because I don't think it's fair or honest to assume/presuppose what's good for you. Even if that means I'm not easy, or pleasant. And while I respect my purposes and my results...lately it's been making me unhappy, the rest of you and I.

A good friend at Cthulhu Xmas (I'm trying to take the Christ out. I need some sort of corer) described attention as a human currency. That's a new idea for me, an unsettling one. I'm hoarding right now, waiting for some sort of deflation to set in.

Weighing In

Sorry, yesterday's kind of a blur-a good blur. I dread my birthdays, not because of any fear of aging (I like getting old, like I'm growing into myself) but because historically, they're filled with trauma and unpleasantness. Dramatic episodes from my childhood that I don't really remember-I just remember remembering how much I disliked them. Part of my narrative, and funny to think about now that I question both my own story and my definitions of trauma...Traum is dream, in German.

I'm a scientist-we're all scientists, right? Methodists with methods, all along a spectrum of metaphors for experimentation and hypothesis. "Common Sense" or "Right and Wrong" or "Logic" are all just shorthand for the paradigms we've developed after years of personal experimentation. Input and results, analysis...I'm providing you with some of my current window, but it wouldn't fit perfectly with any of my Previous iterations, and won't (I imagine) be relevant Later. Nonetheless, this is supposed to be a journal of personal truth and accountability (really!) and I've been lax behind angst and cannabis for too long lately. I just have to come out and say it.

I've been experimenting on my mind for some time now. Not pharmacologically (most of the time) but memetically. If I'm a collection of recorded data (rarely accurate) sensory experience (ditto, but at least I'm present and up-to-date) and some sort of engine-that-simulates, some creative element that allows me to construct imaginary versions of the sensory experience using pieces of my recorded data...wait, let me back up.

Most of how I operate comes down to what I believe-what's good, what's bad, the value I attach to things and how I imagine everything interacts. Those beliefs about the physical world, the social world (the Rest of You) and myself come together in my head to determine what actions I'll take. I don't do things that I imagine will have results I don't want.

(For what it's worth, I sort of assume that this model works for y'all's behavior as well. Not that I want to anticipate your behavior or anything. Ask me about my results.)

So if I have these beliefs, these things that answer my why/what/how/who questions, then can't I change them? Identify them and challenge them, develop new beliefs, move on. Hypothesis, experimentation, theory...I'm a fucking scientist. And while it's not always predictable, I can't describe to you how effective it's been. I can be a different person if I want. Constantly, deliberately. It's a very powerful feeling.